Just began reading a book about Salems Halloween. Of course, my name is in there. Anyways…I’m obviously on the computer now. Listening to G-Eazy’s Mixtape on Youtube. Already getting nervous about the job interview. I know I will get it, so I don’t know why exactly I am nervous…ugh nothing to wear and I gotta do my makeup…good thing I took a nap earlier.
Called on my job interview that I missed. The guy was glad to give me a new chance. 9 am tomorrow. Wish me luck…eventually I want to work in laundry or front desk. Fitted sheets are my specialty. And NO ONE likes those. Am I wrong?
I don’t want to go back to The Gunnian. I’d rather sleep outside tbh. I just might. Reminds me of when my Mom kicked me out and all I had was his sweatshirt for a pillow. Sad times.
I feel so much better when I am away from the Guardian Home. All I can hear are gunshots there. I have dubbed it the Gunnian, and while I do play like I am tough, I really don’t feel like being face to face with a crazed Gunman right now, or at anytime with nothing to protect myself.
I don’t understand why people have to act so tough all the time. Why are they acting that way, what is the mystery, and do I want to know? If I knew, could I change the violence into peace and understanding? Not to sound like a hippie child, but damn. When does it end? Do I need to sacrifice my life for another to get there kicks by killing an innocent human being (me) for the world to be happy?
I know I aint much to look at but where do you think scars and eating disorders come from? Mistreatment by peers…so when you look at me, just think, I am the reflection of what your Wicked Cliquey ways have made me. And I am still here, still alive, and feel better than ever about myself and don’t need anyone to tell me different of fake tell me they love me cuz I love myself now and that’s all that matters. If that’s selfish than so be it…
Anyways. Back to my saga. Or the saga of whoever is reading this…ya feel me? I left the house today to run to the library to type more. Before I left, I took a non seizure medication. I hope it helps. Not sure what book to look at when I’m done on the computer. Prolly none of them. They’ve gotten so old. Hopefully I make it back without the rain falling to hard on me. No one to call for a ride. I have no friends. Sure I may play on Facebook and Twitter, but that’s out of sheer boredom. Don’t like TV, or Movies because I don’t trust cameras. What else is there to do?
Listen to music? Nah man, that shit is obviously dying out. Only thing I ever here playing is Rhianna, and the last time I saw Rihanna lit up on my Spotify screen I wanted to puke.
One thing I don’t understand about someone when I get into a conversation with them is that I feel as though I am carrying the whole load. I don’t want to sound rude, but are they dumb? Im the only one ever talking…besides them bitching about some small shit that did or didn’t happen…I read that psychologists (Kidnappers) use the silent treatment to get information out of someone. What kind of information would they want out of lil old me?
Their is a line in a song that goes, “Im hella smart, they treat me like I’m the dumbest.” That’s how I feel.
FictionOfAbigail 